In thinking back, it seems juvenile. A cute little effort at doing what grownups do - those competent, trained professionals who appear polished, put-together, and oh, so very capable. Yet, with me...perhaps I was a bit deluded when I put pen to paper and wrote those things. Yes, foolish, I was.
But what a nice showing, a sophomoric attempt at being in the big leagues. “But it’s quite all right,” I hear the voices say. “Don’t you worry about it. At least you did something. Some people never even get out of the gate.”
Sometimes, it’s worse words I listen to. These are the ones I say to myself. I hear my thoughts calling out, “sham,” fraud,” “unqualified.” Then, by the mercy and patience of God, I’m brought to some level of clarity surrounding myself and my writing.
All of these voices came rushing back recently as I’ve been lovingly giving my website, “The Whole Report,” a much-deserved bringing back to life. As I go through the memories of my life for the past few years, written down in black and white in the nearly 200 postings, I’m flooded with rival rationalizations. I hear echoes of the haunting voices of the opposition and the calming conversation of the Creator. These take me on a roller coaster of highs and lows and stops and starts.
Foolish. Yes, I feel a little foolish. Who I am to think I am chosen and gifted by God to do anything of value? Those aren’t words expressed out loud, but are buried deep in the recesses of my mind. Deep, but sometimes deafening.
Then I read some of my writings...and I wonder what the big deal is. Just write. God did not call me to be perfect, popular, or even paid. But He did call me to please Him, and the only time I’ve distinctly known that in my spirit, is when I was writing the Bible study, We Are IN.
I believe I have heard from God more times than I can count, but only one time has He given me the sweet privilege of soothing my soul with the richness of “I am pleased with you.”
That is enough for me.
So please pardon my foolishness, arrogance, and delusion. I am basking in listening to voices that lift me out of my insecurity and praise the good works of my hands.
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
Now, as I enter the amusement park and board the ride, may my mind be filled with words of Truth so that my mouth makes such joyful praises that all other voices are drowned out.